JOKE JOKE JOKE

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A nerd ask his hot n' sexy clssmate 2 hav sex w/ him..
NERD: sex tayo! bbyaran kta 1 thou, bblisan ko,
ttpon ko ung 1 thou sa sahig.
2wad k hbang pnupulot mo,
pgtayo mo tpos nko i-sex k,
SEXY: twgan ko muna bf ko kung pyag cya.
tnwagan nya..
BF: cge pyag aq, bilisan mo lng pg2wad pra wlang
mngyari.
aftr 10mins bf calls..
BF: nkuha mo na pera?
SEXY: aahhh..Ndi pa e! ah! ah!
BF; e bkt?
SEXY: tig pipis0 e!
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Anak: ma! may wyt hairs na u pla?
Mama: oo anak & ur d reason.
every stupdty ng anak puputi ang evry
hair ng ina.
Anak: ah! kya pla puti lhat ng buhok ni lola.

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Lola: alam mo honey kpag ktabi
kta at ng aalmusal tau, ng-iinit prin ako

LOLO: paanong d ka mg iiinit
eh nkalaylay yang DEDE mo s kape!

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nangumpsal c kulas sa mga kasalanan na
nagawa nya
PARI: anak, hnd ka patatawarin.
KULAS: ha! bakit fader?
PARI: kc my kasalanan kp n hnd mo pa
binabanggit
KULAS: ano po yun fader?
PARI: kw ba kumuha ng perang donasyon sa
altar?
KULAS: ano po yon fader?
PARI: kw ba kumuha ng perang donasyon sa
altar?!
KULAS: d ko tlaga mrinig fader, gus2 mo palit
taU pwes2
(ngpalit cla pwes2)
PARI: cge mg tanong ka na
KULAS: kw b nkabuntis ky ana na labandera?
PARI: ai 22o nga, hndi marinig d2!

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ANAK: Tay wla nnamn tyong ulam
AMA: Mahirap ngayon ang buhay anak,
tiis muna tayo, isipin mo na lng ung ulam
na sasabihin ko sa bwat subo mo
ANAK: Cge tay!
AMA: Nilagang baka!
ANAK: Hmmm...sarap
AMA: Adobo baboy!
ANAK: Hmmm...sarap
AMA: Kalderetang kambing!
ANAK: Huhuhuhuhu
AMA: Bkit ka niyak!
ANAK: Ang anghang tay!

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c Juan gus2ng mgsuicide...
pgdatng nya sa edge ng bldg..
Juan: "ang taas! (umisip ng matndi)
Lord, gve me a sign."
pg-open nya ng eyes, kta nya bilbord
"NIKE: JUST DO IT"

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GRADUATION DAY SPEECH: 2nyt i am graduation,
i invitation u ol 2 eat our hauz coz i know sumdy dt i will
eat ur hawz too! I will die 5 chickens,3 grils & 2 boys
2 eat u ol & i will ask my father 2 cook my mother.
Thank you..bt i'm sori 2 inform u dat my rice is corn.

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sa disco
LALAKE:miss you wanna dance?
BABAE:sure why not?
pagalis ng babae sa kanyang upuan......
LALAKE:hay salamat nakaupo rin ako

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GF:san tayo?
BF:sa dark place
GF:ha?
BF:trust me
PAGDATING DOON......
GF:bakit ka naghuhubad?
BF:wag kang maingay
GF:maghuhubad din ba ako?
BF:bakit tatae ka rin ba?

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Juan: Maam ano po ba ang english ng utot?
Teacher: English ng utot? e di " fart"
Juan: Maam mali po kayo
Teacher: Bakit ako mali?
Juan: Narinig ko po kasi yung kantang "Dust in the Wind"

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May isang bata ba na nanakbo pauwi ng Bahay galing sa eskwelahan?

Bata: Nay, Sabi ng guro ko magaling na raw ako at magalang na raw.Yun ang lecture namin kanina.....

Nanay: Tlaga anak, magalang ka na?

Bata: Syempre naman, Tanga ka ba?

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NOON:

Anak : Tay, pag uutot ka magsabi ka muna para makalabas kami ng kuwarto.

NGAYON:

Anak: Tay, pag uutot ka, lakasan mo. Irecord natin para gawing" RINGTONE"
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FVR: ERAP, may gift ako for you. Galing sa India and it's a 10 feet snake.

ERAP: Ows, niloloko mo naman ako eh! 10 feet? Hoy, di ako ganoon katanga!! wla kayang feet ang snake.. bobo!!

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GF: hon, naiihi ako
BF: ok.. dyan ka na lang sa damuhan...(habang umiihi kinapa kapa ni bf ang legs ni gf ng may nahawakan siyang mahaba sa gitna ng legs)
BF: Pucha!!! nagpalit ka ba ng kasarian??
GF: Ulol!! nagpalit lang ako ng desisyon... dudumi na lang ako!!!..